Tonight, I slept at Honolulu airport while waiting for my morning flight to Japan. I was a big nervous at first but sleeping wherever was part of the reason why I am doing this journey. To be able to accept any kind of trouble or discomfort whether its sleeping under a tree in a dense forest or not having food to eat. Whichever the condition, I want to be free from it.. Free from stressing over it and just accept it as it is.
Honestly, this is my first night where I am on my own and away from the Temple. In a way, the temple was home for me, my teacher is my parent, and the other monks my brothers and everyone else my aunts and uncles. They provided me with robes, food, shelter, medicine and other comforts. My friends also have always been there to support me whenever I needed anything.
I was a little stressed out earlier when I got here knowing I would be spending thr next 24 hours at the airport. My mind raced around trying to figure out a way to be comfortable.
I eventually calmed down after some meditation and realizing that I am absolutely fine and its just a matter of time until I am on my way again and that being out in the open is one of the objectives.
I didn’t eat much of anything today and that concerned me also. I had only a small sandwich earlier in the morning in San Diego before I came here and it was past noon when I arrived. (Intermittent fasting). Also, I shouldn’t spend any money if I really don’t have to. So buying food at the airport was out of the question since I really don’t have much money and still have to pay for school when I got to Sri Lanka.
But, those worries were over 12 hours ago and now, after some time.. I realize that I am fine. Feelings.. Is true.. They come and they go.
This is just the first day if many more. I need to be more stronger than this… But, I think.. I will eventually get there.